Unexpected....

• I have been a mother now for two months. Sometimes I can't believe it! As my husband and I were not planning on getting pregnant yet, it took some time to wrap my mind around the idea. In fact, the only aspect of child bearing/parenting that we had really discussed was the fact that we wanted a natural birth...that's it! Yet here there we were expecting our first child. Scared does not even begin to describe how I felt leading up to the birth of my daughter. Were we ready for this? Could I handle raising a child? When things were hard I found myself asking if God really knew what he was doing giving us a child. Now God? Are you sure you want US to raise a child? I had so many questions and concerns. All I knew for sure was that my life would never be the same and ready or not, this was happening.
• The day was finally here! It was 5:30 in the morning and my husband and I were on our way to have our little girl. Ready or not! My daughter was born at 8:35 that same morning. She was a healthy 8.8lbs! And at that moment, somehow all the worries and fears didn't matter. Here she was in my arms and there were no words to describe the love and joy I felt. Suddenly it didn't matter that we hadn't decided how we were going to spend holidays or what kind of school she was going to go to or what kind of discipline we were planning on raising her with...all those things were so far from my mind. Who knew that you could love someone so much! Who knew that you could get so much joy from just holding and watching your little one! It has been more than I can find the words to describe! Every day is a treasure...seeing how she grows and changes. Every day full of wonder. 
• But along with all this bliss came a huge since of responsibility which soon turned into fear! God has entrusted us...me...with this beautiful child. It is my responsibility to care for her and to teach her about the god who created her. Those are not tasks to be taken lightly! What if I screw up?...I will screw up!! Every thing I do...or don't do, is going to affect my child...Fear was now clouding all the things that I once found joy in. I found that all throughout the day, thoughts of fear and inadequacy were filling my mind.There have been some days where the fear was almost crippling. Why try if I'm only going to mess things up? NO! I will not let fear steal from what God meant to bring me joy. While it is a daily battle, I have realized that I cannot live my life/raise my daughter in fear or else that is what I will teach her. I MUST take my thoughts captive...
• And therein lies the unexpected...This is just one of many lessons that God has been/is teaching me through my daughter; through parenting. Every day holds a new lesson...sometimes many lessons. In effect, my relationship with God has been renewed and revived. My desire to meet with Him and grow in Him is at a place it has not been for some time now. Every day is a new opportunity to go to Him for strength in my weakness...which there is plenty of! And I am so thankful! Talk about motivation! My love for her drives me to seek Jesus' face. What a blessing! And while I am not perfect and do fail, I have more drive and motivation than ever. What does God have in store for me today? There is a new sense of wonder to each new day. I am so thankful...