My Journey...

• I believe it is very important to share your "story" with others as a reminder of what the Lord has done in your life. In the craziness of life, it is very easy to forget what God has done and to become dissatisfied with life. But when you can look at your life now, in respect to where it has been, it can help you be thankful that you are where you are. Also, I believe it can renew your sense of hope. That is my experience at least. So I thought it only appropriate to share a little bit of my story... Or what there is of it so far. First, so that anyone reading my posts, has a better understanding of where I'm coming from. Secondly, it encourages me and reminds me of what God has brought me through to get where I am today.  Hopefully it will encourage you as well! Well here it goes...
• I was born into a Christian home and grew up in the church. I thought I was a pretty good "Christian" girl. However, all I learned was how to be "good" or at least appear "good." I wouldn't grasp, until later on, that I did not know what it meant to have a relationship with God.  Looking back, I realize that I was actually quite rebellious. Though, at the time, I did not see that. I was very involved with church and youth group... Even helped lead. All the while, having secret boyfriends and pushing the boundaries of what I knew was right and wrong, overall. I knew how to put on a good face. One secret relationship in particular, would set me on a course of bitterness towards God. It would shift the way that I would respond to things throughout my life. Oh the things I wish I  knew when I was younger!
• I will not go into the details of this relationship other than the basic facts. I was 16. He was 21. My heart was broken for the first time... Though not the last. A seed of bitterness toward God had been planted in my heart and I didn't even know it. Pain and insecurity set in. Soon after this relationship ended, I got involved with another guy; a friend. A guy I knew did not share in my "faith" or rather, my religion...Lets be honest, that's what it really was, religion. But I found, in him, a sense of the security that had been previously stolen from me. Soon to follow would be my stepping down from leadership and my continued pursuit of the boundary line. Not only was I secretly dating a guy who was not a Christian but I was surrounded by friends who were just like me. A good "Christian" when it was convenient and a "boundary pusher" the rest of the time. After being in this relationship for one year and drifting further away from God, the next life changing event would occur...I lost my father. 
• He had been ill for a while but in my mind he WAS GOING to get better. In fact, at times I couldn't even take his illness seriously because I truly thought it would pass. As I mentioned earlier, I was drifting further and further away from God. However, my boyfriend and I still went to church. We were even involved in a lifegroup at my church. To those around us, we appeared to be in a godly relationship. I am telling you this because it plays a big role in my journey. Around my 20th birthday my dad was at a hospital in another city, being tested for a possible liver transplant. This was good!! Right? This meant he was on his way to being healthy again. Or so I thought. While in the hospital, he took a turn for the worst. My family and I made multiple trips back and forth, crashed with friends, missed school and work until we decided that it was best to just go back home. There had been no change for better or worse. So it was felt that we needed to get back to our responsibilities. The same night that we came back home, I got the call. It was in the middle of the night when my mom called. He was gone. I couldn't believe it. I even remember asking my mom if this was a joke. What an awful joke that would be!
• In the following months, bitterness made its home in my heart. You see, the whole time my dad was in the hospital, when he passed away and in the months after, I never once heard from my lifegroup. Not once did any of my Christian "friends" call me. They didn't let me know they were praying or that they were there for me. They were nowhere to be found. Yet, people that I worked with...people I knew to be part of the "bad crowd"...were seemingly "there" for me. The first Thanksgiving without my father, it wasn't someone from the church calling me to see how I was holding up. It was one of the people from the "party crowd." She cared when no one else did. Soon, any attempt to be a church going, good girl was obsolete. I didn't care anymore. I pulled completely away from church, God and even my family. I was now fully immersed in the "party scene" and I liked it. My new philosophy...if you feel bad, DRINK! This would be my life for the next few years.
• Ah, the party life. Drinking with friends almost EVERY night. Even though this was the life I was choosing to live, I knew deep in my heart that what I was doing was wrong. This was why I pulled away from my family. I was ashamed of the life I was living. Plus, in my mind, they had no clue what I was up to. I felt that my mom had been through enough...I didn't want to upset her. Also, I didn't want my younger, impressionable siblings to know what I was doing. My drinking, and now smoking, would only get worse as my relationship with my boyfriend began to crumble. One year after my dad passed away, my three year relationship would end. This sent me into a downward spiral...I was out of control! I felt sick during the day, every day, from drinking to the point of sickness, night after night. That was the goal. It wasn't a "good night" unless you got sick and passed out. Furthermore, now that I was insecure, hurt AND single, I began seeking the attention of guys. So this was life.
• Although my life was crazy, very specific moments stand out when I knew God was pursuing me; moments when I knew this was not the way I was meant to live life. Time and time again, I chose to ignore the Lord. Ridiculously, I was doing all those things hoping to numb the pain I felt. However, my actions only perpetuated the feelings of pain and anger and insecurity. Daily, thoughts of how to end my life filled my head. I was desperate! Through the course of several events, I ended up having to move back home...This was, of course, God!! This was pivotal in my return to God. It was during this time that I approached my younger sister about the possibility of going on our church's annual mission trip to Mexico. This was very out of my character. I never subjected myself to being with a group of people I didn't know. All the same, I was miserable and I encountered the presence of God on this very trip, in the past. My conversation with God went something like this..."You have met me on this trip in the past. So you are either going to show up and change my life or....OR I'm done." 
• I couldn't even begin to tell you what all happened on that trip but I have never been the same....Praise God!! Like I knew He would, He touched so many places in my heart and brought so much healing even in that short amount of time. I don't know why I chose to listen to Him this time but not all the other times. Nevertheless, I am so thankful that He never stopped pursuing me. After I returned from that trip, I proceeded to change jobs, get involved in a lifegroup and eventually went through a discipleship training school at my church. I have never looked back. Since then, I have married a wonderful man...who I actually met on that life changing trip :) And now we have a beautiful daughter. I love telling this story because it reminds me of the faithfulness of God. While, things in my life are not perfect, I have a hope and trust in Jesus that gets me through every battle and every hard place. I hope this encourages you in your own life journey. Also, if there is someone in your life who has walked away from God or maybe has never truly known Him...THERE IS HOPE! He is always pursuing. Know That!
• I'm sorry if I miss anybody. I know there were many but I want to say a special thanks to some people that played a special role during that time in my life. People who constantly pursued me, who spoke truth into my life during that time and who encouraged and loved me in a life altering way....

Christy Morales

Leah Morales

Marlana Lazo

Carl & Blair Gulley

Ashley Goad-Thorne

Thank you!